Kyouya and his Notebook
by tinysolis
Summary: Kyouya didn't know why he bought the confounded thing, he just did. He still loves and absolutely regrets that one uncertain decision.
1. The Awkward

**I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS NOR OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB. They all belong to Bisco Hatori. I only own my OC :3  
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Also, first time writing in who knows how long so... constructive criticism but seriously, don't hate. I came up with this with a friend of mine (she knows who she is) and it's supposed to be funny/angsty/interesting.

Now, let the story begin.

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><p>"Come ooonnnn Kyouya!" Tamaki whined, tugging on his hand. Kyouya was unrelenting and stood still. "It's just an arts and crafts store!"<p>

"No," Kyouya said bluntly, only to make Tamaki whine more.

Tamaki had been at it all day, telling everyone that they should go on an outing together and since everyone but Kyouya had managed to come up with a good excuse to get out of it for the time being, Kyouya was slowly being dragged down the hallway by Tamaki.

"We won't even be there that long; I just wanted to go out!" Tamaki pleaded, giving his best puppy-dog eyes that he could possibly muster.

Poor Kyouya, always a sucker for the eyes whether he liked to admit it or not. He'd always had the smallest inkling of affection for the imbecile that gave him reason to even remotely care about this school and the people he was in the host club with, but he would never let him know that, not verbally anyways.

"If you let go of my hand, I might just move," Kyouya said, glaring. "Otherwise, you're going to have to find a ride there yourself."

That's when Haruhi spotted them bickering and gave up on not going. The Hitachiin twins were with her and therefore couldn't leave her to be tortured by the might-as-well-be couple by being a third wheel and joined in (will elaborate on the dialogue later).

As they made their way outside, Kyouya noticed the dark heavy clouds forming in the sky. This only spelled disaster on their part so he insisted on the group riding in one of his limos to the arts and crafts store instead of walking, much to Tamaki's apparent dismay, but Kyouya wouldn't have any of it so into the limo they went.

"Where is this store by the way?" Kyouya asked, opening the window between the passenger's side and the driver to give him instructions. Once done, they were on their way. Tamaki then continued to rave about how he needed bonding time with his daughter, of which Haruhi raised an eyebrow and simply ignored, and as a club they also needed to be friends and hang out every once in a while.

Kyouya simply wanted to get this over with so Tamaki would be quiet already. What he'd do to make the boy's lips stop moving in that manner.

Finally they arrived and as it turned out, it was smack dab in the middle of a shopping district so there was no way of having the limo drop them off at the door. Kyouya glared at Tamaki and he just gave him the eyes again.

_I have so many ways of making it legal to behead you but I'm just going to bite the bullet for now._ Kyouya thought, relenting and having everyone get out of the limo so the driver could park and they could be on their way.

"So what are you looking for in this store?" Haruhi asked as they hurried along the sidewalk to find the store. "There's no reason you'd be looking in an arts and crafts store for no reason at all, especially if you wanted to involve the rest of us."

Tamaki flinched with a guilty smile plastered onto his face at the questioning and tried to change the subject, "Who wants coffee first then?"

The twins perked up at this and bolted for the first cafe they could spot.

_Always with the caffeine,_ Kyouya thought, wondering what it was about caffeine that people had such an appetite for.

So everyone went in for coffee and ordered, and Kyouya was almost looking up at the fact that there was no rain coming yet, despite the fact that the clouds were becoming darker and he could hear low rumbling in the distance.

_I can't believe I'm getting antsy over rain._ he thought, eyebrow twitching as he drank a small mocha, listening to Tamaki finally tell everyone, overly enthusiastically, about his picture book idea about a random day in the life of the host club members that he wanted Kyouya to help market to their customers at the school. _Tamaki just never has good timing..._ Then he remembered the host club and how it came into existence. _Ok maybe not _never_ but the majority of the time._

When everyone was done with their sweets and coffee, Tamaki insisted they get moving and Kyouya all but pushed everyone out the door to get them to hurry. Of course, that's when the rain hit and they had to run because Tamaki thought they could make it without umbrellas.

_I'm going to ruin you one of these days, Suoh Tamaki_. Kyouya silently burned holes into his friend's back with his glare. He saw Tamaki shiver and wondered if he knew or if it was the gradually lowering temperature.

They finally arrived at the store and Kyouya had to restrain himself from tackling Tamaki into the ground. His uniform would have to be dry cleaned if it was to look even remotely close to what it was supposed to the next time it was worn.

"Tamaki," Kyouya said as the others trotted off to go find a restroom to dry off in. Tamaki walked over and Kyouya grabbed his collar ever so gently but with enough force to call Tamaki's full attention to him. "I will end you if you ever try to force me outside when it's cloudy ever again."

Tamaki simply pouted and was hardly perturbed by his friend. "Well maybe if you'd listened to me when I first suggested it then we could have avoided the rain. It obviously wasn't raining earlier, was it?"

Kyouya would have snapped but he composed himself, taking into account that anyone even remotely connected to the school or the host club could be around.

"Go look for your picture book things then," Kyouya said, letting go of Tamaki and brushing some rain off his sleeves. "I'll be wandering around."

Tamaki looked genuinely hurt and looked like he was going to say something but closed his mouth slowly, turned his head away and seemed to start thinking of something entirely outside of the conversation.

_Ah geez he's remembering._ Kyouya thought, and took that as a signal to leave him while he still could, before things got ugly.

Kyouya had no idea what to look at while he was there, nothing in the store interested him. Since he refused to look like a complete dick-that's what he'd been called by Tamaki the last time he remembered-he weaved between aisles staring aimlessly at the products on display as slowly as was humanly possible.

_Why on earth do they sell fondant here?_ Kyouya wondered, going from aisle to aisle. _I wonder if maybe I could buy a few dozen notebooks from here then._

He stood in the drawing tablets aisle, looking them all over, and realized that there was nothing he had been thinking of even available here. These notebooks were all for watercolors, sketches, oils, inking, markers, and so on, but nothing lined or gridded. He began to leave when he noticed a black, fake-leather bound notebook on the floor without a price tag. He picked it up and opened it absentmindedly and saw that there were lines and grids on the pages, a section for each one.

_Interesting_, he thought, flipping through the pages. _Why would someone leave this over here on the ground, especially without a price tag? Goes to show you how much commoners really care for their possessions, despite their constant rambling about not having anything._

So without really thinking about it, something Kyouya rarely did, he went to the cash register to see if he could purchase the small notebook. He didn't notice until much later that he wasn't even paying attention to the fact that he was actually _buying_ some random item off the floor in a store shopped by craft-obsessed commoners.

"I don't think we actually carry that item anymore," said the cashier, a quizzical look upon her wrinkly face, as if she should have known the item was on the floor at all. "I know the majority of this store by heart and I can't say that I've actually seen it. In any case, I'll just charge you for a regular watercolor notebook. It's a bit cheaper than the rest of the notebooks you must have found this next to."

He, again, wasn't really paying attention so he bought the notebook without even really listening to her. This would bother him later, when he realized that he had just bought the twist to the rest of his life.

Once he was done he stood there with the notebook, gathering his thoughts, realizing he'd just bought a slightly useless item, and wondering what on earth Tamaki was doing that he had everyone taking so long. As he was standing there he saw lightning flash outside, and couldn't help but leave his thoughts on his purchase and trade them for frustration that he was worrying about the rain again.

_I promise one of these days, _Kyouya silently fumed, his facial expression turning into that deadly smile that only the host club could recognize as other customers passed by him, admiring his looks and oblivious to the thoughts behind them. _I might just throw a brick and a puppy at Tamaki's head for being the insane friend that he is to all of us... What on earth is wrong with me why am I thinking like this? Curse you again and again Suoh Tamaki._

"Kyouya?" He snapped from his train of thought and realized Haruhi was standing in front of him, eyebrow almost smashed up against each other in a worried furrow. "Are you alright?"

He blinked, surprised by himself; he'd never been one much for staring off and losing track of time. "Excuse me?"

"I asked you, are you ok?" she said, putting a hand on his forehead which he did not expect. He almost flinched but she kept her cool and then retracted her hand, pursing her lips. "Odd, you don't seem sick. Are you sure you're ok?"

He tried smiling to throw her off, only to make her chuckle. "You must be really out of it, trying to smile at me. What did Tamaki tell you earlier?"

Kyouya was taken aback by this; he would never get used to how she could read everyone like a picture book and still be as innocent as she was.

"I'm fine, just irritated," he relented, giving a quick glare to the horrifying weather outside. "None of us have any way of getting back to the limo without being drenched."

"Why would you be worried about getting drenched?" Haruhi asked, raising an eyebrow. "You have plenty of other uniforms at home I'm sure, that or your family would be able to afford a new one quite easily."

She was stating the obvious but that wasn't necessarily his first concern. It was the fact that it was going to become cold soon because of the rain. When a random customer staggered in he could feel that the temperature had gone down a considerable amount. Just a few of the many things that irritated him were being wet and cold at the same time, and running when he really didn't need to.

"If you want I can run to the nearest department store and get us an umbrella," she said.

"No, that would just rack up your costs to us," he said, without realizing what the connotation was. She almost laughed, perplexed that he would think of her that way.

"Also, I've never seen you really avoid a question," Haruhi pointed out. "What did Tamaki tell you earlier before we ran off to the restrooms?"

Kyouya refused to tell her anything, let alone show what he remembered, so he just shook his head. "Nothing, I just told Tamaki I wouldn't be a part of his shenanigans today. He got offended by it, and I just let him get over it."

"Except he's not, Kyouya," she stated matter of factly, make him slightly irritated. "I can see it in him, too..." she looked over at him as he bought a ton of glitter, paint, paint brushes, small construction paper, scissors, glue, instruction booklets, and so on. "...he's acting again. I know not even you can stand to see him acting, so please go apologize for whatever it is you guys said to each other."

Kyouya would have snapped at her, to tell her it was none of her business, but he kept his mouth shut for once, not even bothering to glare as he was trying almost desperately to keep from telling her. He could never tell anyone, there would be far too many consequences.

He was about to say something when Tamaki showed back up with his bags of items in tow and said that they should probably try to get going. Kyouya simply pointed at the rain and Tamaki mentioned that could be bad for all of the supplies he'd just bought. Kyouya was close to placing his palm over his face in frustration when the Kaoru burst out the doors, shouting he'd be right back to go get some umbrellas, followed by Hikaru trying-unsuccessfully-to cover his twin's head with his arm.

That left Tamaki, Kyouya, and Haruhi to stand there awkwardly at the door, and Kyouya didn't know if he could stand it for very long. He merely looked up out the door and passed over Tamaki's eyes and saw the look of utter confusion and panic stuck in them. Tamaki was going to make this far too noticeable and the last person Kyouya wanted to know about what happened was Haruhi.

Then, out of nowhere...

"Have you guys ever had something so sad or confusing happen to you that you didn't know what to do with yourself or who to talk to it about, even if you felt like you couldn't talk to someone about it?" asked Haruhi.

Kyouya and Tamaki looked at her, beyond confused, and then Kyouya saw Tamaki glance at him for all of a second and Haruhi flashed the realization in her eyes.

"Um," Tamaki stuttered, trying to regain his composure. "I'm sure everyone has, like when I found out that Santa Claus wasn't real. Why do you ask though?"

Haruhi chuckled a bit, and Kyouya had to smirk at his failed attempt at covering up the topic at hand.

"Well, if things like that happen to you, more serious incidents I mean, do you write it down?" she said, facing Tamaki but Kyouya knew that it was meant for the both of them. "Sometimes it helps to write down the sad and confusing things that scare us, when you feel you can't or just aren't ready to talk to someone about them."

Tamaki was slow beyond reason but he stood there staring at the floor, trying to comprehend what she was getting across to him. Then he realized Haruhi must have read him like the open paged book he was and gave her the most depressing smile he'd possibly ever willingly plastered upon his face.

"That sounds like a great stress reliever," he said, scratching the back of his head. "What do you think, Kyouya?"

He simply nodded, positioning a small smile on his face to distract them for the time being. Haruhi smiled back, shook her head, and stood in front of the doors, looking for any sign of the twins, leaving them to look at the floor awkwardly with each other.

_If this gets anymore awkward, I think I might just explode and throw a glue stick at someone._ Kyouya thought, looking back out the window in Haruhi's direction, trying to burn holes in her back. _She will pay for that in some way shape or form. Who does she think she is, trying to get into my business again?_

Then he stopped glaring, realizing who she was to him, to all of them, to Tamaki especially, and his shoulders actually slumped over as much as they could for Kyouya.

Then the twins reappeared, not nearly as wet as Kyouya thought they'd be, and handed the three of them new umbrellas. Kyouya noticed that the twins had identical orange cat umbrellas with ears on top. He had a bad feeling about this but was cut off from making a complaint when Tamaki became extremely excited.

Tamaki opened his umbrella under the small cover by the door and saw that it was a yellow cat, to which the twins credited to his blond hair. Haruhi's was a white cat, the twins explaining it as she was the only really nice one in the group. Lastly, Kyouya did not want to know what they'd given him but since the rain wasn't letting up he opened it and it revealed a black cat with slanted green eyes and... whiskers. The others didn't have whiskers, just ears, but Kyouya's came with wiry black whiskers.

Tamaki covered his mouth and tried his hardest not to laugh and failed ever so spectacularly. Haruhi simply smiled, deeming it suitable for Kyouya. He would have closed the umbrella and launched it like a torpedo at them if it weren't for the fact that they were in public and he had a very large reputation to uphold. Instead he phoned the limo to be outside the shopping complex for them.


	2. The Dream

__I'M STILL GOING? Well here's another chapter of sorts. I feel like I should have made a prologue or something...

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><p><em>Now what on earth did I buy this for?<em> Kyouya asked himself, staring at the notebook. There was no reason to have it on him; he already had all of his important notes in many other notebooks and planners that he had categorized about the room on shelves and in drawers. He then remembered what Haruhi had suggested earlier in the day, about writing down what bothered him and Tamaki.

_I couldn't possibly write that down. _He thought, shaking his head, tapping a pen on the page, wondering what to put there. _Why do I even want to write anything down? I've told myself over and over again that I don't need this notebook, what on earth is it that I want to write down in here so badly that I haven't at least gone to bed?_

Kyouya sat there, staring, something he very rarely did. When he blinked, gasping himself back into reality, he saw words on the page.

_**What else IS there to write?**_

_What on earth?_ He blinked a few more times, rubbing his eyes. He couldn't believe he was dozing off in front of a notebook that, again, he didn't need. For the first time in ages he had managed to get all of his homework, studying, and host club duties out of the way before the "unreasonable" hours of the morning and here he was staying up and writing in his sleep about God knows what. _You know what; I'm just going to get some sleep._

"_My aren't you handsome?_"

A light kiss ghosted upon his lips, a sensual touch crossed the right side of his neck which floated down to the center of his sternum, down to rest on his beating heart.

"_You're going to just _make_ me enjoy this, aren't you, pretty one?_"

Kyouya lazily opened his eyes to see a pair of red, twinkling corneas staring straight into his. He blinked, stared for a bit longer, then closed his eyes again to try and go back to sleep.

"_Ah, ah, ah,"_ the eyes said, pulling Kyouya from his sleeping stupor. He tried to sit upright and instead smashed his lips into the pair that belonged to the face that those eyes were looking from. Kyouya pulled away, pushing the person atop him off and panted, disoriented by the sight in front of him.

The being was male in appearance, black hair, and cut almost identical to Kyouya's but shorter in the back. His body was a dark almost bronze color, and the shadows from the window accentuated the smooth stomach and long limbs attached to this person. Then Kyouya noticed something moving behind the person...

A tail.

It was a black _**TAIL WITH A POINTED END**_ swinging back and forth. The person noticed that Kyouya had spotted it and was at a loss for words and movement, so the person leaned forward, practically into Kyouya's face again.

"Something wrong, pretty?" the person asked, batting his eyelashes slowly, carefully drawing Kyouya's attention back to his eyes.

"What on earth is going on here?" Kyouya exclaimed, heartbeat accelerating.

"Oh, I wanted to say hi was all," the person answered, touching Kyouya's chest again, the hand wandering in circles around his beating heart. Kyouya was too dumbstruck to get the person's hand off of him this time. "It seems you don't know what to think of me. Would you like me to give you something to think of me?"

Kyouya stammered, and then realized what it had to be, what it must be.

"Wait, am I..." he calmed a bit, looked down at the hand on his chest, and sighed. "…I'm dreaming. I have to be, this is utterly... unreasonable. Only my dreams could create something like you at a time like this."

"Heh..." the being chuckled, moving his hand to Kyouya's face, cupping his cheek his palm, "…If that's what you want to believe then so be it. I do want to ask though, why would you come up with something like me? I'm a dark being with a pointed tail, red eyes, and hardly any clothing on."

That's when Kyouya seriously looked at the person and realized he was in nothing but pale green shorts, of which were only covering the flesh of the obvious half-erection stuck underneath them.

"I have my reasons," Kyouya said to the now more than obvious male being. "You'd probably know since you're a part of this dream."

"I think I do know," the male said, crawling forward to sit atop Kyouya's lap. "I think you have feelings for someone. Feelings you don't think you'll ever be able to bring to a close. Those feelings are also full of... urges."

At that the male grinded his bottom painfully slowly on top of Kyouya's steadily rising length, causing the young man to hitch his breath and for his heartbeat to go back up again.

"Those urges just don't seem to be satisfied as of late," the male said, bringing his face down to Kyouya's, ghosting those lips across his. "not since the incident with that person that you've been trying oh so very hard to avoid in order to quell the fires deep within you that burn for the insides of that person to be joined with you."

Kyouya's said urges were at the tipping point as this supposed dream was rocking back and forth on top of his hardening erection. He didn't know what he was going to do with himself until he reminded himself that this was all just a dream. It was _his_ dream, no less, so he might as well do whatever damn well pleased him, so long as it quelled the insanity raging inside of his mind, even if only temporarily.

Kyouya grabbed the male by the back of his head, twining his fingers among the strands of hair and latching onto them. The male smiled devilishly, biting his bottom lip as Kyouya brought his face towards his own.

"You're making this far too easy," Kyouya said, his breath becoming heavier by the second. "What do you want?"

The being laughed a most lustful way, his hands resting on Kyouya's chest, playing with the buttons of his nightshirt. "If you don't know by now then you might as well _wake up_."

Kyouya stared at the male, confused and disoriented, and gave in to the carnal desires that had been festering within him for the past few weeks. He squeezed the male's ass, exploring the soft round cheek, finally coming before the male's entrance and circling his finger around it, eliciting a beautiful moan unlike Kyouya had ever heard.

The male's penis was practically bent by the shorts that was all but succeeding to keep it down, and Kyouya decided that he couldn't stand the sight of it anymore. He let go of the male's hair and let the length out from the shorts, breath and reason-finally-flying from him.

"Well, what are you going to do?" the male asked, still swaying on top of Kyouya's member. "Are you going to tell me what I'm here for, verbally admit my existence, or are you going to just sit there and admire my gift that's all for you?"

Kyouya touched the tip, causing the male to shudder ever so lightly and sigh deeply.

"You're here to please me," Kyouya breathed. "Because nothing else will at this very moment."

He pulled the male's face towards his own and planted his lips atop the others'. The lips were warm from heavy breathing, practically begging to be used for this purpose and more. Kyouya deepened the kiss by sliding his tongue into the male's mouth, exploring in a way he hadn't had the mind to ever before. The taste was strange, different, and glorious all at once, a taste that Kyouya craved and yet was unfamiliar with. This was everything he had begun to feel he needed from the people that he could never have.

The constant swaying, grinding, gasping, and moaning was driving Kyouya insane, so he flipped the male over onto his back and looked at him and all of his grandeur, wondering which part of him he was going to conquer first before his supposed consciousness ripped him away.

"What's your name?" Kyouya asked, not even realizing he was thinking of the question until it spilled out of his swollen lips.

"Whatever you want it to be, pretty," the male said, winking. He began to stroke himself, much to Kyouya's pleasure. Kyouya bent to kiss those lips again, to taste him more, before backing away with a rather odd name in mind.

"Then I'll call you..." Kyouya thought for a moment as he removed the male's hand and replaced it with his own, causing the male to groan seductively. "...Tama."

"As you wish," Tama said, chuckling as he pulled down Kyouya's shorts to release his erection as well. He played with the tip as Kyouya had done to him earlier, causing Kyouya's hips to jerk forward and his voice to call out in the most embarrassing show of pleasure he'd ever let himself hear.

"Oh, the things I'm going to do to you, Tama," Kyouya breathed.

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><p>SOOO... how did I do? .w. Leave comments please and thank you and I hope you at least sort of laughed if not enjoyed the awkward derp of it all~<p> 


	3. The Stupor

So you guys should totally leave reviews and stuff! I want to know if I'm doing any good. Remember, it's supposed to be interesting, different, and altogether ridiculous. It's Kyouya we're talking about here, after all.

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><p>Kyouya woke with a start, cold sweat covering him and staining the sheets. His pillow was on the other side of the room—quite literally in front of the bedroom door—and his hair was an absolute travesty. He panted, mussing up his hair even more, trying to remember what it was that he was in such a panic about when it hit him like a truck of cement speeding down a highway.<p>

_WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT…_ he internally screeched, almost incapable of catching his breath. _…WHAT WAS—I DON'T EVEN—WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?_

He looked down at himself, touching his chest and neck and looking underneath his shorts and underwear, inspecting himself.

_Wait,_ he stopped himself. _I'm… what am I doing? Wasn't it all…?_

He stopped, sat still, slowing his breathing and racing heart. He fell onto his back and laughed almost maniacally before covering his face with his hand.

"What am I thinking?" he mumbled to himself, taking deep breaths to order his body back out of the emotional chaos he wasn't used to.

_I shouldn't be worried about dreams,_ he thought. _I should be more worried about… other things._

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><p>"<em>Kyouya," Tamaki whispered whilst laying beside him, staring vacantly into the ceiling. The party being held outside by their classmates while Kyouya's parents were away again—all paid for by his parents—was definitely boring and he hadn't the patience to dally with all of the girls out there without his friend. The lights were off so as to not arouse the attention of the partygoers that could be heard<em>

"_What?" Kyouya asked, turning to face the blond._

_Suddenly, Tamaki embraced Kyouya and then pecked him on the cheek with those sweet, naïve, and almost wise lips._

"_W-what are you doing?" Kyouya exclaimed in a hushed voice, hoping to not attract attention to the bedroom._

_He pushed Tamaki towards the other side of the bed, nearly shoved him off, only to bring about a bright flush on Tamaki's face._

"_I'm sorry! I just…" Tamaki stammered, covering his mouth as he was shoved in the other direction._

"_Don't tempt me like that, dammit." Kyouya said without even trying to hold the words in, allowing himself to become just as, if not more, flushed than Tamaki._

"_Wait," Tamaki stopped and stared at him. "What?"_

"_You heard me," Kyouya said, turning to face the ceiling again._

"Ootori-san, are you feeling well? You're going to be late for school."

And he was brought back to reality.

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><p>"Kyouya," Haruhi said, tugging on his sleeve.<p>

"Yes?" he snapped back to where he was, dragging himself from memories and feelings that had no place in the campus that was Ouran Academy.

"Something is seriously wrong with you," Haruhi said, shaking her head. "Not only do you never doze off but you never miss out on something snappy that anyone has to say to you."

Kyouya's eye twitched; concerned that he'd missed an insult he could easily turn against her for his own benefit. Then she started laughing and bent over from the giggle fit she'd thrown herself into.

"I was just kidding!" she laughed, covering her face. "I didn't insult you nor did anyone else. You were _definitely_ spacing out then!"

He almost crushed his mechanical pencil when Tamaki bounced on over, practically tackling Haruhi to the ground with his "DADDY'S HERE!" hug.

"Tamaki—what on earth?" she exclaimed, regaining her balance but still squished between his arms.

"Daddy wanted to check up on his beautiful little girl!" he exclaimed, hugging her tightly. "What was Mommy doing to you? Did he make a joke? Tell Daddy, I never hear your mother make a joke because Mommy always looks too busy to make a joke!"

At that Kyouya felt the urge to bash the blonde's head in with his notebook, but being the young man of authority that he was, he simply smacked the back of his head with the notebook, earning a curious look from Haruhi.

"Ow! What was that for?" Tamaki fake-sobbed, all but deserving a good crack on his skull or two. He hugged Haruhi again and continued whining. "Mommy's being abusive!"

"Thinking that I can't make a joke," Kyouya answered his question. "You constantly underestimate my abilities, Tamaki."

Tamaki simply pouted but continued talking to Haruhi. Kyouya passively listened, hearing something about the crafts project he was starting on and wanted Haruhi to join the rest of them since Kyouya had other things to do. So Kyouya opened his notebook, realizing at that moment that it was the new one he bought from the crafts store.

_When did I pick this up?_ He asked himself, trying to remember if he grabbed it this morning. _The maid must have thought that I was using it and put it in my bag. I was in a hurry after all so I didn't think about which one I started writing in on the way here._

He saw that the words from last night were still on the first page and pushed away vague memories of the dream he had. As a way of pushing them away physically, he turned to the notes he was already writing on to find that there were more notes than he'd remembered writing earlier.

_When did I do this?_ He stared at the notebook, skimming through the notes he was unfamiliar with and losing track of everything Haruhi and Tamaki were saying. _I don't remember writing these and this notebook has been in my bag or in my hands all day now. I must be out of it to not remember when nor where it was that I was writing things down. Maybe I just wrote them down before Haruhi called me back from zoning out._

"KYOUYA!"

He snapped his head up from the notebook, glaring at the one that had yelled his name so abruptly. It turned out that Tamaki was the only one standing there, Haruhi further down the hallway laughing quietly.

"_What_, Tamaki?" Kyouya asked, turning his attention back to the giggling blond.

"You were so zoned in on your notebook that you didn't hear anything else we said!" he said, placing a hand on Kyouya's forehead. "What happened? Did you find something wrong?"

Kyouya moved Tamaki's hand away from his forehead and person altogether and shook his head. "I'm fine, don't worry about me. Worry about how I'm going to snap at you the next time you yell at me."

Tamaki shivered and Kyouya heard Haruhi still laughing down the hallway. She'd have called it their "antics" and said she had every reason to laugh because their friendship was beautiful or something like that. Kyouya closed his notebook and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, regaining his composure.

"Goodness Kyouya, are you ok?" Tamaki asked as soon as Haruhi was completely out of earshot. He placed his hand on Kyouya's shoulder and furrowed his brows. "You've been acting strange lately, I'm worried."

Kyouya carefully shifted so that Tamaki's hand fell away. "Again, I said don't worry about me. Don't make me continue to repeat myself."

"Well, is it because-?"" Tamaki started to say, reaching for his shoulder again. Kyouya grabbed his wrist and stared into his eyes intently.

"I. Am. Fine." Kyouya said quietly, without blinking, without moving, without any feeling. "Ask me one more time, and you won't be hoping that just your wrist comes back to you."

He almost instantly regretted saying such things, but he couldn't afford to let that show, he couldn't have Tamaki continue wishing that something else had happened. A time would come when he would have to destroy any and all hopes but he didn't think he was ready for that, neither did he want to be because that would mean—and then he was snapped back to reality for the fourth time that day.

"Kyouya, you're not fine!" Tamaki exclaimed, trying to shake his wrist away from Kyouya's grasp. "Come on, I'm your friend! We can talk about these kinds of things, can't we? Isn't that what friends do? I know things happened that shouldn't have but-!"

"Tamaki, be quiet," Kyouya hissed, squeezing Tamaki's wrist. "Just leave it alone! Things definitely happened but this is neither the time nor-!"

"Please," Tamaki interrupted him. "Wait a minute, let's go… somewhere else." So he dragged Kyouya a few feet back into the music room and closed the doors behind them. Kyouya still hadn't let go of his near-death grip on Tamaki's wrist.

"Look," the blond continued, a little bit more hushed as he was trying not to sound as panicked and confused as he was. "You have to give me something to go on though!"

"Excuse me?" Kyouya retorted.

"You're always honest and open with me," Tamaki said, bringing Kyouya closer to him much to the young man's slight disdain. "I'm your best friend, aren't I? You have to know that you can tell me anything! Even if it's no, I just-!"

Kyouya could not comprehend what was being said to him as Tamaki went on, telling him that being friends meant caring for one another and something about not wanting to lose him without some kind of explanation for some kind of behavior and suddenly Kyouya drifted off until he was interrupted in his spiraling emotional dazing.

"Kyouya, you're hurting my wrist."

He instantly let go, backing a step away from Tamaki. The look in his best friend's face was absolutely horrifying, somewhere between tragically hurt and on the verge of tears, the happiness almost emptied out of him.

"Tamaki, please," he said, furrowing his own brows in frustration, trying to cover up all of the mixed up and jumbled feelings he hated inside of himself, things that he just wasn't used to feeling. "We can talk later, I promise."

For once, Tamaki took the hint and backed off. He knew Kyouya was right, that there was no point in discussing anything here, not with Kyouya's head at stake.

"Ok," he said, massaging his wrist. "I'll leave you alone."

Tamaki walked out the door, turned down a corner, and suddenly Kyouya heard him pattering after some of his regular customers, gushing about one of the girls' make up.

_That was horrible._ Kyouya thought, wondering where he could go throw himself into a wall to slowly bash his own head in. _I am a horrible person after all._

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><p>So? How'd I do? Reviews pretty please!<p> 


	4. The Return

Wow that's a lot more views than I was ever expecting! Thanks guys, I hope you like this next chapter, my try at derptastic intimacy in all the crazy sense of the word! Thanks goes to Khaotic Kitten for helping me edit!

Disclaimer: Like I said, I own nothing except my OC :D (though Kyouya would beg to differ /shot LOLOLOL)

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><p>At the end of the day, Kyouya fell onto his bed, exhausted from the day for what he felt and knew were all the wrong reasons.<p>

_Everything is wrong about what happened today._ Kyouya thought, getting up to go study at his desk and to re-read his notes from the new notebook. _That talk with Tamaki should not have happened; in fact, none of my behavior today should have existed. I know better than that, and I know I'm more composed than that and yet…_

He sat down, pulled out his notes, organized them on the desk, and found himself instead contemplating the issue of how to let Tamaki know that neither of them could afford to have any real meaningful relationship, as much as Kyouya thought about it.

_The truth of the matter is that I actually wouldn't mind._ Kyouya thought, opening his new notebook about the host club's profits for the day. _I'm certain of the fact that we'd be okay but in no way are we in a situation that would allow us to act on those feelings and impulses. I don't trust trying to do anything in secret either simply because we both know we're constantly being watched not only by our classmates and friends but also our families._

He opened the notebook, shoulders feeling slightly heavier than usual, and pushed away as many thoughts as possible in order to start projecting profits for the next week or two. Then he noticed that there were already projected profits in the notebook.

_I'm certain I didn't take these notes down._ Kyouya flipped a few pages further, finding more figures he hadn't even had the mind to think of earlier. _What on earth…?_

And then he found his dream written out on paper in quite _explicit detail_.

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><p><em>Tama swayed his hips, barely bouncing up and down on Kyouya's still hard cock, panting, high pitched moaning flying out of his throat. Kyouya held his hips in place to stop him finally, only to relish in the shudder that overcame Tama as Kyouya slowly grinded himself inside of him.<em>

_ "Kyouya, you're so good," Tama said breathily, matching the painfully slow and blisteringly pleasurable swaying of Kyouya's hips, letting out a whimper as Kyouya's cock occasionally nudged at just the right spot._

_ "I think we need more lube," Kyouya simply stated, having Tama raise off of him. He dragged himself off, causing Kyouya's mind to go blank and vision sport stars of pleasure, before he very quickly pulled out the small bottle from under his pillow and replacing it after readying himself for another round._

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><p><em>…WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?<em> Kyouya screeched inside, close to throwing his notebook across the room. _WHEN DID THIS GET HERE? HOW? WHY?_

"_Oh you're just too gullible,_" a familiar, sultry voice whispered from the notebook. Then Kyouya looked and realized that the pages were flapping to the words of the voice he heard."_I can't take it any longer!_"

_I've gone insane,_ he thought, face blank and mind slowly starting to unravel. _Oh my goodness, what have I done to myself that I've finally snapped?_

Then the entire room became black and all he could see was himself and the notebook in front of him.

_"Oh my handsome little man,"_ the voice said, Kyouya starting to realize where he'd recognized it from. _"You're really going to make me enjoy this."_

The words started to separate, floating and glowing a light blue or purple in mid-air. The letters unraveled and became strings of blue and purple that joined to turn a strange shade of crimson before they formed a ball of bright light. Kyouya had to cover his eyes as it became too much and then was knocked onto his back when an invisible force knocked him off the chair that had been there and disappeared into the darkness.

He tried to catch his breath, the fall having knocked the wind out of him, and when he looked up the ball of light was a standing figure.

A man stood with dark hair, tanned skin, and a pointed tail waving to and fro.

"Miss me, Ootori-kun?" Tama said, winking. He then walked over top of Kyouya and almost dropped himself on top of the other but stopped on his knees. He knelt down and pulled the flabbergasted young man's face to his. "I definitely missed you while you weren't writing in me. You wouldn't believe how… _forceful_ you really are when you're writing so furiously fast. Then again, after last night, I think you do."

Kyouya finally snapped and made the strangest squeak he didn't know he was capable of uttering. Something in the back of his head was nagging at him, as he stared in disbelief at the man kneeling on top of him with the most devilish and yet somehow innocent look on his face. Tama was inching closer and closer to Kyouya's and the poor, astonished young man felt he may not have it in him to do anything about it, that he would just go with it and let things happen again as they had last night. Then he snapped again and realized what it was that was nagging at him.

"You're not real," he mumbled, all of a hair away from Tama's lips. "You're just my dream."

Tama stopped and smiled, his eyes crinkling closed as he started giggling. Kyouya furrowed his eyebrows, confused out of his wit as to what was going on with him that this would happen a second night in a row.

"Oh, but Kyouya," Tama said, standing up and offering a hand out to him. "I am very, _very_ real."

Kyouya, not believing him, took his hand and suddenly they were outside on the roof of the mansion and it took everything he had not to make that strange squeak again. Then they were back in his room, Tama on the bed and Kyouya on top of him between his legs.

"There's no way!" Kyouya exclaimed, struggling to clamber away from Tama. "You can't be; it's absolutely impossible. Beings like you don't exist, whatever you are!"

Tama looked almost insulted, grabbed Kyouya's shirt and forced him down onto his back so that he was on top of Kyouya again.

"You pesky humans and your instant denial," Tama said, shaking his head. "When will you learn to just accept that sometimes magnificent beings find you, not only for their own entertainment, but also for yours?"

Kyouya didn't know what to say, he was starting to battle with his sanity as he looked at Tama above him. There was no feasible way that he could be real, whatever it was that he was, and that if he was real that there had to be a way that he could get past this.

"You can't be real," Kyouya repeated, more to himself this time than to Tama. "I don't even remember the rest of that dream; it faded out."

Tama chuckled, putting his face in front of Kyouya's again. "That's where you're wrong, Kyouya. You remember everything; you just don't seem to want to. You did read some of what I wrote down for you didn't you? The moment you set your eyes on those words you remembered what you were trying so hard to forget."

Kyouya's mind was being torn apart as he was quickly and painfully coming to grips with the fact that, yes, he did remember the events that transpired the night before when he saw the jumbled up words on the page that he could not bring himself to consciously remember during the day. He could remember the touching, the forceful kissing, the grabbing, the throbbing—the unbearable throbbing—the heat inside and out, and most of all the satisfaction.

Tama's eyes registered Kyouya's look of remembering; accepting.

"You also realize one other thing, don't you, Kyouya?" Tama asked, smirking.

Kyouya suddenly grabbed Tama's hair again, pulling him closer.

"Yes," he answered instantly.

"Say it," Tama whispered, lips softly caressing Kyouya's, an almost unbearable tease but Kyouya felt he had to keep his composure, if only to keep his sanity. "Say it and you will truly know I'm real."

Kyouya's breath became heavy, his pupils dilated as did Tama's, and his other hand found its way to Tama's rear end. He changed his mind though and brought his hand back up to Tama's back, lightly tracing his fingers down to Tama's shorts, lifting them and pulling them down just around his bottom so that his fingers curled around the firm and yet plush curve of his cheek to push him down further, resting atop his body.

"Why state the obvious?"

"You know why," Tama practically sneered until Kyouya started playing around his exposed hole, sending small tingles of pleasure throughout him. His back arched and he grunted, pleased that Kyouya was finally doing what he knew would be done. "That is _definitely _more like it, Kyouya."

Again, his composure was being tried to an extent that was nearly beyond him, but Kyouya was keeping as much of his composure as he felt he could. He weaved his fingers into Tama's hair again, pulling the strands in his hand taut to raise his chin and expose his neck. The look of longing and lust in Tama's eyes was enough to drive him to bite down, lavish it with kisses and trace the pink bite marks with his tongue. All of this to his extreme and slowly-fading-unwilling pleasure as he heard Tama gasp at his bites of gentle or fierce force and grunt as his slowly rising erection started to rub against Kyouya's and moan as his rear was caressed and opening was played with.

Kyouya finally let go, incapable of lasting any longer. He flipped Tama over onto his back and all but shoved himself between Tama's legs. He was still wearing those green shorts and nothing else, to Kyouya's slight but very miniscule confusion; he had many other thoughts on his mind now as he slid the shorts off and Tama kicked them off across the room.

"You know what it is, and I think I have come to accept that," Kyouya breathed out, almost hovering over Tama's exposed figure, tugging down the band of his shorts, revealing the left cheek where he traced from Tama's waist to the side of said cheek and Tama shivered with what could have been anticipation or delight, if not both. "There is no real reason to state the obvious here."

"But there is Kyouya," Tama said, raising a finger to Kyouya's lips to trace their shape. "You need to say it, that you need—"

"Shut up," Kyouya whispered, drawing his face closer to Tama's, resting his forehead on the other's ever so gently. "I am well aware of the fact that I need you right now."

That was that, he fully understood in that moment that this was more real than he could have asked for it to be. Oh, how Kyouya needed Tama. He needed him so much at this point in his life it was shameful but also completely unbearable. Kyouya then rushed Tama's hand away from his face, pushing down both wrists to kiss that blabbering mouth shut.

Tama moaned into the kiss, parting his lips ever so slightly, all but verbally inviting Kyouya in, an invitation he gladly accepted as their tongues met again. Kyouya took Tama's mouth for his own, tasting and giving up all of his reserves as soon as he realized that he truly wanted this more than anything.

He let go of Tama's wrists, letting his hands beeline for his shirt, working to get him undressed. Kyouya even felt that it wasn't quite right that he was still dressed so he balanced himself on his knees to get his shorts off, hovering above Tama's bare form, kissing his neck and nipping at his ear, earning a small sigh or some devilish chuckles.

Once they were off, Kyouya kicked his shorts off the bed and Tama flung his shirt in the same direction: far, far away from them; they were no longer necessary.

Tama let out the most purposefully sensual moan as Kyouya began rubbing his growing length against the other's own. Kyouya grabbed both of their hard-on's and began pumping his against Tama's.

There was sighing, audible heavy breathing, hip jerking, bodily spasms, frantic touching and gripping of a hand, waist, round end, or nipple; hair pulling, kissing and biting and licking, and pleading whimpers from both of them when Kyouya began to increase his grip and pace. It was filling Kyouya's entire form, clouding his ability to think for even a second about anything else and overwhelming him. The heat emanating from his body and this still-unknown but absolutely luscious creature was almost suffocating, only furthering Kyouya's want for satisfaction.

Tama caught sight of this heated need and grabbed the back of Kyouya's neck, pressing their faces together in another heated mashing of lips.

"Don't you want to satisfy your craving?" Tama asked, causing Kyouya's hips to jerk forward one last time, earning a new low, guttural sigh from the dark being below him. "Take me, Kyouya."

"You have no idea…" Kyouya answered, tugging on Tama's left hipbone to flip him onto his stomach. "…how much of you I'm going to take tonight."

Tama smiled that absolutely sinister smile that he made, knowing he was soon to relish in the joining of their bodies in sexual release. Just as quickly as the night before, Kyouya pulled out the small bottle of lube underneath his pillow and slicked his member up and down. As he did so he teased Tama, playfully prodding at his entrance with the tip of his erection.

"Don't play with me," Tama whined, practically pleaded. "Do it, Kyouya, stab me with your hard-on."

He almost lost it then; if not for the fact that he remembered Tama saying something similar the prior night, he would have started laughing uncontrollably.

So, he was done playing; he penetrated the small opening, causing Tama to gasp, arch his back downward, and tense up. Quickly but carefully, Kyouya slipped the majority of his length inside in one go, daring to stop there for but a moment.

"You are all mine, tonight, Tama." Kyouya groaned, letting the both of them get used to the sudden intrusion and tight enclosure.

"Then make it so," Tama said, swaying his hips side to side, grinding Kyouya further into him.

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><p>So guys, what do you think? Leave comments and review it and whatnot! Thanks again to Kitten for helping me out~ :3<p> 


	5. A Nighttime Talk

So yeah guys! I finished this next one pretty quickly but it's kind of lengthy (2k words o3o). Still, reviews are good and I'd like to know what I can improve on!

Disclaimer: Again, Bisco Hatori owns Ouran High School Host Club. I only own Tama!

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><p><em>Why is it so cold?<em> Kyouya thought, stretching his hand out for his blanket. His hands only found tile so he dared pry his eyes open and realized he was on the floor. _Wait, what?_

He blinked, dragged himself up, and realized it was still dark outside. He rubbed his eyes and searched for his clock, then realized he had been asleep on the floor. The time told that it was nearly four in the morning, something he used to be acquainted with seeing until now.

_How am I on the floor?_ He asked himself, sitting up and looking around the room. His pillow was on the floor not too far from him, his blanket in a jumble on the bed, the sheets looking like they had been in a fight with themselves the way they were twisted this way and that, and strangely enough his notebook rested at the edge of his bed, open with one side dangling off the bed.

Kyouya stood there, silently contemplating why his notebook would be on his bed at all; he never went to bed with anything school related nearby, it was bad for the small amount of sleep he ever got in the first place. He didn't even allow himself to keep his cell phone too close by because of it.

_I know that I should have been on the bed, I even remember—_Then Kyouya stopped moving, an audible hitch in his breath the last human noise he uttered for a few seconds, blinked a few times, and then fell back onto the floor with a loud THUD.

_Right,_ he thought, covering his face with both hands as his lips twitched between a grimace and a look of utmost horror. _I was up most of this past night "stabbing" my penis into… whatever the hell Tama is. Ah, fuck, I'm starting to call him by the name I gave him now. I GAVE HIM A NAME OF ALL THINGS._

The notebook suddenly fell onto the floor and Kyouya sat upright in a flash, ready to find a knife or a lighter anywhere near his person to throw at it. It appeared to be nothing serious though; it had just fallen off the bed and lay there with the contents open.

_It's not turning into Tama?_ He stood back up and then hesitantly picked up the notebook. The contents were almost the same as they had been the night before: full of predictions of revenue for the host club that Kyouya had not written himself but lacking the explicitly detailed dream much to his honest joy. _What on earth is going on?_

Then words suddenly appeared on the previously empty pages and Kyouya almost dropped the notebook like he'd seen a flying cockroach on fire.

_**So what did you think of tonight's performance?**_

Kyouya regained what little composure he was capable of at that moment and looked at it, confused. What was Tama doing?

"Can you… hear me?" Kyouya asked the book, feeling ridiculous for doing such a thing.

_**Yes, I can hear you, Kyouya. I'd much rather you wrote your responses though. Wouldn't want anyone thinking you're sitting in here talking to yourself, now would you?**_

One of Kyouya's eyebrows twitched as he contemplated the thickness of the glass of his windows and how hard it would be to throw the notebook through one of them. Instead he calmly walked to his desk, turned on the small desk lamp, and uncapped a pen.

_I'm not going to look insane because of you just yet._

_**That's the spirit, Kyouya darling.**_

_ I am not your darling._ Kyouya retorted, becoming increasingly infuriated. _What on earth are you doing to me that this keeps happening?_

_**What exactly do you mean?**_ Kyouya could practically hear the feigned innocence from the strange being. _**There are **_**many**_** things that I did to you earlier, though they were only in reward for what interesting things you were doing to me.**_

_If I could set you on fire without the smoke alarm going off in here, I would._ Kyouya wrote, exasperated. _I meant what's happening to me that I keep blacking out and not remembering anything until after I wake up a few hours later?_

_**Excuse me, I was laughing a little bit. Fire, of all things, does nothing to my exterior or interior. As for the blacking out, I have a feeling it's just your conscience. I do nothing to cause them; I simply let you explore me in whatever ways please the both of us the most.**_

_How does that even fit into this?_ Kyouya asked. _And why aren't you out here in your bodily form?_

_**Oh, do you miss me already? ;D**_

_I'm going to throw this notebook out the window if you can't be even moderately serious with me._

_**Party pooper, aren't we now? :P**_

_Did you really just write two faceys in a row?_ Kyouya didn't know whether or not the window was good enough. Maybe he could just put each page into the paper shredder he had.

_**How am I going to communicate with you if you can't even take a crack at having a sense of humor?**_

_Please get to the point here. That paper shredder is suddenly looking awfully useful._

_**Alright fine, GEEZ. First, your mind must have an incredibly powerful reason for having you suddenly not remember having the fiery-depths-of-hell-hot passionate sex we had not too long ago.**_

_I'm seriously going to throw you into a shredder on fire._

_**Well it really is the reason you don't remember after a certain point, I'm sure.**_

_ Alright then, what about the second question? If you're some supernatural being then don't you have the ability to just change form whenever you want?_

_**Wonderful imagination, you have, Kyouya. Not only can you do so many things with a person's body but you think I'm an all-powerful, supernatural demigod! You must really like me! ;D**_

_Stop using the faceys, it's ridiculous._

_**NO! It's fun! D:**_

Then Kyouya stopped for a moment before he continued writing, suddenly reminded of someone. He shook his head, driving the thoughts away as quickly as possible.

_**Thinking about someone special, Kyouya?**_

_In what way does that answer my question?_

_**I'm an incubus, there I said it. Now, who were you thinking about? I love to get into the hairs of those that I choose to play with here on Earth.**_

_What does that even mean?_

Suddenly Kyouya's vision became nothing but white, a light so piercing he didn't know if he'd be knocked out again or if Tama was changing form. When he blinked and opened his eyes fully again, he realized it was the latter… sort of.

There sat Tama, dark skin, waving tail, and green shorts but only about six inches tall. All of the frustration and anger that Kyouya had been developing up until now dissipated as he fell out of his chair in a fit of silent giggles.

_THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS! _He thought as he clutched his side and struggled to cover his mouth as he curled into the fetal position. _SINCE WHEN DO I SILENTLY GIGGLE?_

"That looks like a wonderful position down there Kyouya," Tama said, sneering from atop the desk when Kyouya snapped his head back up. "I might have to try that out at some point."

"Alright, I'm done," Kyouya said, remembering how to breathe. "What on earth happened to you that you can only look like… _this_?"

Tama shrugged as Kyouya sat up on the floor, then his dark cheeks blushed and he smiled up at Kyouya. "I only get stuck in this form when I'm exhausted. No one's ever been able to do this to me before. I'm quite impressed."

Kyouya's mouth hung open, confused. Then he remembered the reason he was talking to Tama.

"What are you, exactly?" he asked. "I mean, you said something about being an incubus?"

Tama sat down and motioned for Kyouya to follow suit, as if this were a grand tale. Kyouya didn't protest though and sat in front of the small figure that was now Tama.

"I am indeed an incubus," he said, tail waving back and forth behind him, eyes glowing in anticipation. "I survive on your unsaid needs, your most secret wishes, your carnal desires. What I've decided to do though is see to it that sex is still very much… important to you humans. So, in a manner of speaking, I go around 'matchmaking' for the lot of you, so that you might come together and satisfy yourselves. Lately though, I had been sensing an extremely high need for satisfaction. I went looking for it and I found you."

"Wait, wait," Kyouya stopped him, head spinning in all directions. "You're running around making people want to have sex with each other so you can go fuck up their relationships later by having sex with them again?"

"Oh, on the contrary my dear," Tama smiled again, a most devilish and sensual smile. "They always think it's a dream, they never remember every last bit like you've managed to. When they wake up they think that the dream was with the person they feel they need, so they go and 'reconcile' if you know what I mean. I don't even try to wipe your memory; again, the memory loss is all on you. It's one of the things that I find, I suppose, interesting about you."

He then stared at Kyouya, stopping him from saying anything for a moment because of the colossal intensity. Kyouya was stuck staring back at him, confused as to why he suddenly couldn't tear his gaze away from those now-tiny dark eyes.

"I see," Tama murmured, standing up and still holding Kyouya's gaze. "Very interesting."

He then sprouted small black wings, his eyes turned completely red, and he floated up to Kyouya's eye level, practically scaring the sanity right back out of the poor young man but he seemed to not have any say in the movements of his body.

"You're absolutely obsessed with someone," Tama said, touching the bridge of Kyouya's nose and staring intently into his left eye. "And he's a blond by the looks of it, too. He's returning the emotions and he wants to consummate but you're afraid of something, no, someone, wait, no… many people. A body of authority stands between you two in your eyes but he doesn't seem to care all that much and that might be due to ignorance or just plain hormones."

Kyouya blinked and tore himself away, standing and backing away from the small, dark figure. "What did you just do to me?"

"I was just trying to figure out what it was that you've been wanting so badly as of late," Tama answered, pouting and flying back to Kyouya's eye level but stayed a small distance away from him, eyes returned to dark black. "Why on earth do you humans let some imaginary authorities ruin your relationships? It even makes you write some seriously ridiculous stories."

"In no way is it that easy!" Kyouya exclaimed, keeping his voice down. "Tamaki and I are in high positions in our families, whether we feel like we are or not. I can't let him get in trouble because of a person he wants and in fact doesn't entirely require to keep living!"

At that point Kyouya couldn't stop, he didn't know what had come over him but he kept going, his face becoming warm, flushing.

"I may want Tamaki, he may want me, but I can't let that happen. We'd both be disowned and I refuse to let his life come to that. All that counts is that he's happy, taken care of, and that he never has to suffer the ridicule that follows a young man of high status in school because of his sexual preference!"

When he stopped, Tama burst into a puff of grey-purple smoke. Kyouya stumbled backwards onto the bed sitting down, covering his eyes and nose with a hand, the other behind him to steady his fall. When he opened one eye he realized Tama was kneeling next to him at the foot of the bed, tail limp on the ground and wings gone. He looked up at Kyouya with the strangest look, but before Kyouya could register it one of Tama's hands went to his forehead and everything became fuzzy and blurry.

"Sleep," was the last thing he heard.

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><p>Derp? I'm having far too much fun with this or something xD I haven't written in so long... it kind of hurts my brain.<p> 


	6. The Only Opportunity

Woot o3o I made it to six chapters! You guys should check out the derpy fanart Kitten made me if you know her on tumblr xD it's adorable and awesome~ Thanks for all the random favorites and nice comments too! Hope you guys like the chapter (lengthy yes i know that's what she said IREGRETNOTHING /shot/). Anyways, enjoy what you will! :D

Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing that has to do with Ouran High School Host Club (all Bisco Hatori's); the only thing that is MIENZ (and kitten's too at this rate I suppose lol) is Tama ;D

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><p>Kyouya woke with a start, breathing heavy and gasping. He clutched his chest and tried to calm his breathing, confused and panicking.<p>

_What's wrong with me?_ He asked himself, carefully sitting upright on his bed. _What happened to me? Did I have a nightmare?_

He looked around the room then stopped, wondering what he was looking for. There was nothing suspicious, save that his desk lamp was on. He passed his eyes over the calendar nearby and then snapped his head back to look at it.

_Oh, ok, it's Sunday._ Kyouya heaved out a long, heavy breath and then flopped backwards onto his pillow again. _I'm still confused, what happened to me?_ He racked his brain for whatever it could have been that he dreamt about that had frightened him so much. _I can't specifically remember anything…_ he thought, turning his head to the side as his chest slowly stopped heaving for air._ I suppose it wasn't a nightmare, or if it was, it wasn't all that amazing. I still feel like something serious happened._

Kyouya told himself that the nagging sensation would have to wait until later when he heard his cell phone ring on his desk, the melody for a text message. As he opened the phone, he realized that he had completely and utterly forgotten something of unreasonable importance to him, although he couldn't entirely place why.

_From: Suoh Tamaki _

_Date: March 14, 2012_

_Message: Good morning Kyouya! I hope you're ready to have a great day! I'll be by your place of residence in just under an hour and we'll be off to that café I told you about! –Tamaki_

_I forgot about this… what did I do that I forgot about THIS?_ Kyouya threw the phone down on the desk and ran to the bathroom to get washed up as quickly as was humanly possible.

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><p>"Kyouya, are you ok? The bags under your eyes are actually noticeable for once."<p>

"You're not helping, Tamaki."

Kyouya sat there, relishing in the caffeinated beverage and its slow but helpful effects. He would not have been up to the task of running around compact, crowded, loud, and commoner areas such as this shopping mall with Tamaki if it weren't for this beverage.

"Aw, I was just saying," Tamaki noticeably pouted, making Kyouya want to go right back to sleep and forget the fact that he just thought about tugging on that bottom lip with his teeth. "You don't look too good. Were you able to sleep last night?"

Kyouya wanted to answer no but he honestly wasn't sure. He remembered getting into bed, waking up on the floor, and then going right back to sleep after standing up and falling onto the bed, but that was all he could bring to the forefront of his mind. The nagging sensation came back but he pushed it away for the sake of the conversation.

"I'm fine, Tamaki," he said plainly, attempting to chug the coffee, nearly burning his taste buds away. "I just didn't sleep all the way through the night."

"Oh! We should go to the food court here!" Tamaki's face suddenly lit up, much to Kyouya's dismay and yet slight liking. "Maybe you just need food!"

"In no way is anything over there even slightly healthy," Kyouya stated, attempting to reason with the eccentric blond. "Couldn't we just go to a quiet restaurant or get a pastry here? The pastries are at least reasonable _looking_ here."

Tamaki continued to pout, becoming too much for Kyouya with his head starting to pound. Of course, when he took another long gulp of coffee Tamaki took solemn notice and his brows furrowed, worry working its way back onto his face in the form of wrinkles.

"What's wrong, Kyouya? You really don't look so good." Tamaki reached a hand out, feeling Kyouya's forehead. The young Ootori had no ability to swat his hand away; in fact, he leaned into Tamaki's hand without thinking about it, welcoming the cool feel of the blonde's hand that had not been holding hot coffee. Tamaki was taken aback by the sudden change in behavior, but he wasn't complaining and even twined his fingers into some of Kyouya's feathery hair. "If you're not feeling well, we can just take you back home."

_Anything but that, please._

"No, I'll be fine," Kyouya murmured, sitting up and trying his hardest to come to his senses as he put Tamaki's hand back down on the table. "What was it that you wanted to do today again?"

"Oh, um, well," the blond stuttered, at a sudden loss for words as he looked around warily. "I was hoping we could, you know, talk?"

Then Kyouya lost all hope for having an psychologically reasonable day and abandoned his sanity in one fell swoop.

"Alright then, talk to me."

"Well, um, I just…" Tamaki looked around hesitantly again. "Did anyone come with you?"

Kyouya planted his face into the table, hands over his head as he slowly scratched his scalp, trying to relax the muscles and calm the pounding veins.

"Right, um, well…" Tamaki scratched his cheek nervously.

"You underestimate who I am, Tamaki," Kyouya stated, resting his chin on the table while still covering his head, refusing to move much farther for fear that his cranium would turn to mush. "I know you want to talk about things that aren't exactly family friendly so I made sure to scramble the signal coming from the tracker and microphones placed on both of our phones. We should be fine for the time being."

Tamaki blushed, oddly impressed by him, and then he placed his hands on Kyouya's, daring to remove them to attempt massaging his scalp. It worked wonders that the dark brunette wasn't expecting as the pulsing slowly dissipated, making Kyouya's head warm. He unexpectedly groaned with approval, startling Tamaki into stopping, causing them both to smile and laugh.

"When did you learn how to do that?" Kyouya asked, trying his hardest to verbally wave away the embarrassing noise he'd made, blinking a few times as he felt more awake than he had the moment before.

"I didn't, I just do that to myself sometimes when I have headaches," Tamaki answered, blushing again. "I'm glad I could help, then!"

Kyouya felt his face become warm at the sentiment and when he glanced across Tamaki's face and caught sight of his lips, twisted up into that awkward smile. It took a very painful and quick second to tear his eyes away and look back to his coffee, drinking the rest of it as quickly as was possible without giving his tongue anymore serious burns.

"Hey, how about we get some pastries and go to the small park they have out here?" Tamaki asked, standing up and changing it to a statement instead of an invitation. "It's such a beautiful day out, we shouldn't be cooped up inside for too long! I'll even get you another cup of coffee if you'd like!"

He grabbed Kyouya's wrist, all but dragging him up to the front counter and ordering them both white chocolate mochas and a half dozen white-chocolate-cranberry cookies. As soon as they were outside, Kyouya noticed that his head no longer hurt and that his hand felt oddly at home in Tamaki's. He didn't even feel like letting go just yet, even though a few girls were eyeing them and giggling.

* * *

><p>"Doesn't this feel amazing?" Tamaki asked, cross legged in the grass as the breeze came through. His jeans were sure to get stained the way he was constantly turning this way and that, looking at birds and squirrels and butterflies flit across his field of vision.<p>

"I think I have to agree that it does," Kyouya answered, nibbling on a cookie as he tried his hardest not to stare at the way the breeze played with Tamaki's hair. Not to mention the way that the weeping willow they were sitting beside had flitting shadows of its wispy branches dancing around him, creating an almost elf-like quality that surrounded the blond.

_ This moment could be something straight out of a horrible romance novel that Tamaki himself would have written._ Kyouya thought, turning away when Tamaki's gaze came back to him—only after watching a squirrel run past them after another. _I'm going to utterly ruin this beautiful moment with one of the only interesting people I know… because we don't have the life I'm sure he wishes we had._

He put his coffee down between them, brushing his pinky across Tamaki's hand, causing him to jolt his hand away. Tamaki looked at him then, joy erased and eyes wide, joyful laughter gone only to be replaced with a probing silence.

"Kyouya," Tamaki started, looking away to the small pool ahead of them. "Do you still consider me your friend?"

This was utterly surprising, though Kyouya couldn't place why just yet with his uneven heart rate clouding his ability to think.

"I do, Tamaki," he answered truthfully, reminding himself that there was no place for his usual sanity in this day. Then he decided to continue. "There's more than that though, and I hope you understand that."

Tamaki whipped his head around to face Kyouya, the sad look of open hope plastered to his eyes. "Then—"

"That's where it has to stop though," Kyouya said plainly, locking his eyes on Tamaki's. "You know that, and I've tried to make that clear to you, but you don't listen to me and neither do I."

Tamaki stared, confused, the lost expression in his eyes slowly burning away what semblance of happiness Kyouya had been feeling before.

"I still don't understand," Tamaki said, grabbing Kyouya's hand.

"What don't you understand then?" Kyouya asked, daring to not fight Tamaki's grasp. It was all he had to hold on to at the moment, with the way that the blond was holding his eyes with something akin to a glare.

"It doesn't have to be something showy or even emotional," Tamaki stated, bringing Kyouya's hand to his cheek. "We don't have to be a couple; I know that's what you're most worried about. At first that's what I worried the most about too but I've thought and reasoned as best I could with myself since then."

Kyouya's breathing hitched as his hand touched Tamaki's cheek. The blonde's skin was soft, only attained by a life of luxury and petty worries about photo albums. He looked Tamaki in the eyes and saw a different worry, a kind of passionate response.

A compromise.

"You don't have to love me, you don't even have to be friends with me anymore," Tamaki said. Then Kyouya felt his will tip off the cliff when he felt those lips brush his fingertips. The fire that lit inside of Tamaki's eyes was soon ignited in Kyouya's chest. "I need you, and I can tell you feel the same way. You can have me; I'm all yours. If you don't want to be in a relationship with me, then you could just use me for the sake of not making fools out of ourselves in the future when we can no longer handle the space between us!"

As everything inside of Kyouya seemed like it was boiling out of his chest, he latched onto the back of Tamaki's neck and brought his face closer.

"Then I will use only this moment to its full potential," Kyouya whispered, staring into the blonde's baby blues. "I will not use you, even though that would _greatly_ benefit me."

He quickly and carefully placed his glasses onto the grass between them, then closed his eyes and moved forward, scared, as he placed his lips atop Tamaki's.

There was a quick jolt of adrenaline, a rush of satisfaction, and then his consciousness clouded over and everything else was sealed off. This was their only moment and Kyouya honestly didn't care within the span of that breath whether anyone was watching.

_Why does this feel so familiar?_ He thought, pulling away from Tamaki, gazing into the shocked eyes as they became full of the same level of need.

Tamaki cupped the dark brunette's face into his hand and forced their lips to meet again. It became increasingly frantic, needy, hands grabbing clothing, lips mashing together on the verge of turning into biting. Then Tamaki's other hand went from balancing himself on the grass to grabbing Kyouya's thigh, squeezing all too close to a part of him that was becoming more and more heated with each frantic meeting of their lips. As Kyouya began to remember to breathe, Tamaki slid his tongue across the brunette's bottom lip, begging an entrance to which Kyouya quickly obliged, tangling a hand into the blonde's hair as their tongues glided across each other's.

_I want this._ Kyouya thought, carefully leaning forward into Tamaki's touch, his lips slowly treading down from his mouth to his neck, making the blond shiver. _I absolutely need this._

Tamaki thought he would lean forward, encourage Kyouya to trace further down his neck with those velvet lips, but gravity felt like listening to Murphy's Law. When he leaned forward, Kyouya's face slid over his shoulder while Tamaki's hand on the thigh fell right on top of Kyouya's groin in order to stop from falling directly on top of him. That quick grab, a reflex Tamaki couldn't believe kicked in right then, set everything off inside of Kyouya's mind.

_Oh, that's why._ The Ootori thought as everything smashed through the walls of his unconscious and flung itself into his current train of thought, mingling with his need for Tamaki and transforming into a strong urge to flit his own hand onto that awkward bulge underneath his friend's pants. _I remember everything. I remember Tama. I remember my overwhelming need and now he's right in front of me._

Kyouya forced himself to back away despite his wandering hand, eyes darting about the ground, hand on top of Tamaki's in an attempt to remove it from his most excitatory organ, though he was unsure of whether or not he truly wanted to move his hand away.

"Tamaki," he breathed, watching the other's slow, heavy breathing hitch in his throat in terrified anticipation of denial. "You are definitely a pervert."

He loved the shade of pink, then the shock of red that covered the blonde's cheeks and ears. It hurt everything inside of him that he couldn't act on that, couldn't really smile, and couldn't laugh when Tamaki retorted.

"Look who's talking!" Tamaki looked down, blond locks drooping over his eyes. "You're the one leading me on here!"

"I'm not trying to," Kyouya managed, trying to keep his voice steady, preparing for the worst not only from Tamaki but from himself. "This is where it begins and ends Tamaki. No matter what, we can't afford to do whatever we want with each other; you have to know that. No opportunity is worth seeing you fall because of me."

The look on Tamaki's face tore Kyouya's remaining semblance of a heart to pieces when he said, "It would be worth it though… because you'd be with me at the bottom, wouldn't you?"

* * *

><p>Soooooo? o3o~ any comments, questions, ideas, and whatnot? 8D<p> 


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